I felt so stuck for so long. Lately, though, it's been kind of amazing to break free of that sense of paralysis. I feel like a baby bird who suddenly figured out how to fly. I have days where I'm absolutely overwhelmed with joy and gratitude...I never imagined I'd be suddenly handed so many second chances, a way to wipe the slate clean and completely start over, and I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It's amazing. I don't know how else to put it. A beloved old friend talked me into taking that first big leap of faith a few months ago, and it started the ball rolling...and, wow, things get better every single day.
My kind, handsome, funny fiance left on deployment this morning. Kissing him good bye and watching him man the rails from the end of the pier was so hard...but honestly, it wasn't as hard as I was afraid it would be. He has been blessed with a truly great division on a fantastic ship, and I think that's going to make this cruise so much easier on both of us. It helps, too, that one of the sailors in his division has an awesome wife here in San Diego, too. We waved good bye to the ship together, and it made it so much easier. It was actually unbelievably awesome, seeing the ship set sail in the golden glow of dawn, on the glassy surface of the San Diego Bay. I can't describe how proud it made me. The ship had to take on some additional supplies at another base in the harbor, so a bunch of us held a picnic on a nearby beach. It was so much fun to meet a bunch of the other spouses, and I am genuinely excited about getting to know them. Eventually, the ship left the bay, and waving good bye as she vanished into the haze was an oddly comforting thing. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this, which was something I was more worried about than I think I was willing to admit.
I know that there will be some terribly lonely moments ahead, but for the most part I think this will be a good deployment and an amazing opportunity for us to strengthen our relationship. Adam is my best friend, my Prince Charming, the man of my dreams, whether he's snuggled on the couch with me or halfway around the world. And knowing that he's coming home soon(ish), and that we're getting MARRIED in 283 days, makes my heart so happy.